she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
