I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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