can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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