it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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