wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
