I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
