I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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