woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
