I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
