I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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