eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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