That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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