If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i came on her dog
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
