I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
