If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
