God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
