My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
