I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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