we have officially lost it.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Randomize
