You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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