My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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