The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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