I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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