we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
