and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
