You're completely useless in the revolution.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
