I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
