This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can Purell be used as lube?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
