ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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