I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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