We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
