When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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