I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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