hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
