WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
