I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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