I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
50% drunk capacity currently
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
