party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
