You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
