The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
