I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
