no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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