i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
