Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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