whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm like, not good at living.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
