Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
