Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
