dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
