I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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