He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
