I showed him my bush... on skype.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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