No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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