just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
