everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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