I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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