It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
