Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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