that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
