Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
