I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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