If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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