mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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